We must therefore reflect on the inner world of our affections, and on the meaning of our sexuality, on the way of living it, on how we must - and it is a journey for each of us, married or unmarried, young or old - learn to live it: in other words, learning to live not as castrati, since the commandment does not want to repress our affectivity but rather free it from many possible conditionings, but not even as subjugated and slaves to it, since this, precisely because it is such an intimate drive in everyone, can be experienced in a way that is not free, but immature or alienating.
on the other hand, it is clear that this set of drives and desires is extremely strong and vital: we are not blocks of stone, which can be squared and sculpted once and for all, but rather like wax, which must continually be shaped and reshaped.
The Church has been accused of being obsessive about sex, and in fact we must remember that at least some moralists until not very distant times taught that in this matter there could be no "partivity of matter", that is, that every lack had to be considered inevitably as mortal sin, and more than a few people have experienced unpleasant confessions at the hands of unenlightened and prudent confessors.
On the contrary, today the dominant mentality, perhaps as a reaction, is absolutely opposite: nothing is a sin in this field, at least, as they say, between consenting adults. Ultimately, the current culture, or rather the widespread subculture, believes that sex is more or less like a way to play, and a particularly pleasant one at that.
it is instead interesting to observe that psychology, but one could also say the common sense of things, teaches us that this is not the case at all: sexuality is not only genitality and does not only concern the functioning of some organs, but involves the whole man and the woman, not only the body, but also the psyche, the interiority. The commandment therefore helps us to reflect with wisdom precisely to teach us to live this very important and delicate part of our life well, knowing full well that, precisely because of its delicacy, everyone has their own growth path in this sense and that probably there is no you will never feel like you have "arrived".
A good introduction to this commandment is the statement I heard in a conference years ago from a psychologist: "We have divided what should instead be kept united: love from sex and fertility". It seemed to me then, and still seems to me, to be the best comment I've ever heard on Catholic morality, and it's interesting that said psychologist was Dutch: I mean he came from a culture that was certainly secularized and very tolerant when it came to customs. Furthermore, he did not say: "we have divided what was created united", or: "which God has united", but only "what must be kept united". And he continued: “and because of this we have all become a bit schizophrenic”.
Schizophrenia is a mental dissociation, as the etymology of the word says, which comes from the Greek "schizo", which means "to divide", and "frèn", which is more or less the heart of man. I therefore believe that we can begin to reflect on the commandment by focusing on its fundamental meaning, that is, that of unifying ourselves internally even in the field of our affections, so as not to divide ourselves or be broken up into many possible loves or disaffections. If we experience true love for a person, this unifies us, pacifies us, fills us: this is precisely the meaning of the commandment. Unfortunately, our disaffections, or our illusions, can divide us and shatter us internally, making us run after our passions: sex can become escape or alienation, and rather than an ingredient of our joy be a source of continuous dissatisfaction, because, if experienced badly, it doesn't keep what it promises.